Today has been a very physically painful and mentally frustrating day so I came to the garden to have a conversation with my Savior.
I was only going to play for a bit.
That was over three hours ago
I started playing the organ when I was twelve. I’ve spent a lot of hours practicing in dark, empty churches. When I was young the creaks and groans of these buildings scared me so my dad would come along and sleep in a pew while I practiced. A few decades later I have come to love the solitude of an empty church.
God and I had a lot of things to discuss today. Cancer is hard. Parenting teens is hard. Parenting teens when you have cancer is daunting. We want our kids to learn from us to spare them from making mistakes we have made ourselves. We want them to trust us and take our advice. When they don’t and seem determined to make mistakes, it is time for me to go to the garden and be reminded that I am not in control. Cancer is not going to allow me time to sit back and watch all this “learning by experience” turn out okay in the end.
God is with me. Always. God is with my kids. Always. I rest in the peace of handing them over to God’s care and I trust that He will see them through all their days. I want so badly to be with them for more of their days.