It’s almost 6:00 pm and I’m still in the chemo pod. I’m on my last bag so I should be done by 7:00. This is my 80th treatment. It is hard to believe. Now on to the next 80.

I’m packing for an overnight stay in St Louis. My Tuesday begins with a port access, then injection of dye for the whole body bone scan, then a chest/ab/pelvic CT with contrast dye, then the actual bone scan, followed by an appointment with my oncologist and, finally, treatment 80. It will be a long day. Dave will take me down and stay through my oncology appointment and then he will head back home to work the night shift. I will stay for treatment and then shuffle across the skywalk to the attached hotel for, hopefully, many hours of uninterrupted sleep. I will take the train home Wednesday afternoon.

My bag is stuffed with so many presents it looks like I’m headed to a family Christmas. I am blessed with an amazing oncologist and her staff. They are always available for any questions that come up in between appointments and take their time with me. Their track record for keeping me alive is also pretty good! The nurses in the chemo pod are so skilled in their job along with the ability to keep the mood light-hearted. I am truly blessed to receive my care at Barnes.

It has been 4 years and 8 months since I was diagnosed with Metastatic Breast Cancer. Staying alive is my biggest task now and that involves numerous trips to Barnes Hospital/Washington University, a 3 hour and 30 min drive from home.

Some of my time fillers include:

79 treatments

3 gamma knife procedures

5 rounds of radiation to my adrenal gland

1 round of radiation to my shoulder

2 thoracentesis procedures to remover fluid from my lungs

1 breast MRI

3 complete spine MRIs

9 heart MRIs

7 echocardiograms

13 brain MRIs

11 whole body bone scans

16 chest/ab/pelvic CT scans

These numbers will go up in the next two weeks. (It’s a wonder I don’t glow in the dark from all the scans. )

Dave and I will make 4 trips to St Louis in 5 weeks. I am so grateful to have a life partner who holds steadfast to the “in sickness and in health” part of our wedding vows. I would not still be here without his support.

The brain MRI on Tuesday showed that the spot is still there and growing slowly. Once again my case is going to the Tumor Board for input. I will hear their assessment next week. Whatever it is, it will have to be removed eventually. The question is whether to do it now or continue to wait.

The CT scan in October showed something on my lower spine. I opted to not investigate it further at that time. I cannot ignore the pain any longer. An MRI shows that it is a benign cyst that is causing severe stenosis and impinging on the nerve root. We already knew there were metastatic lesions the entire length of my spine. This cyst is causing me a great deal of additional pain along with weakness in my right leg. My spine neurologist called me this morning to tell me that I am a candidate for needle aspiration. This will be performed by a radiologist using CT scan guidance. If this is successful, I will not need surgery, so I really really hope it is successful.

In less than 2 weeks I will have my neck-down scans and receive treatment 80. We will be making many trips to St Louis in the next few months and appreciate your prayers.

Today is treatment 79. The sun is shining and it is a lovely day at Siteman South County.

I’m sitting in Harry Reid International Airport in Las Vegas, Nevada this morning waiting for my flight to Indianapolis. I’ve spent the last several days on a trip with girlfriends. It has been practically perfect.

As I re-enter reality, I have 3 trips to Barnes in the next 4 weeks – not an especially pleasant reality. My next 4 weeks includes: treatments 79 and 80, a brain MRI and neurology appointment, a bone scan, a chest/ab/pelvic Ct scan, and an appointment with my breast cancer oncologist. Hopefully I will find out my license to live is being renewed for another 3 months.

Tune in on social media to watch the premiere of My Density Matters’ BREAST TOOLS Talk Show. I was originally scheduled to appear but a winter storm kept me home and off the roads. I am working diligently to inform women of the importance of knowing their breast density and the additional screening necessary for women with dense breast tissue. Please help me.

I wish I did not have Stage IV breast cancer. I wish my next 4 weeks was not filled with medical appointments and procedures. I wish I wasn’t living my life in 3 month chunks, from scan to scan. I wish I wasn’t living with the side effects of cancer including pain every day. I cannot change my story but, by spreading information about breast density, I might be able to change yours.

The decision has been made to keep watching the questionable spot in my brain and to scan again in 2 months instead of 3 months. I have a list of symptoms that require a prompt call to my neurologist if they occur. I am not in control and cancer keeps reminding me of that. My heart aches when I think how different my life would be if my breast cancer had been discovered at an earlier stage, before the monster crept into to my brain. I urge all women to know their breast density and what it means. I cannot change the ending of my story but I might be able to change yours.

Wednesday (1/17) was a long day in St Louis. I picked my husband up at his work at 5 am and we headed to St Louis. Despite the winter weather we’ve had recently, the roads were clear. We arrived at Siteman South County at 8:15 am. After registering I heard someone greet me by name and saw another 4-H House alum in the waiting area. She is a breast cancer survivor herself, but was there supporting her mom who was receiving her first chemo infusion for breast cancer. I have added that family to my prayer journal and I hope you can send good thoughts their way, as well.

My port was accessed and blood was drawn for labs. I had a great visit with my oncologist and delivered holiday presents for her and her staff. They take great care of me and each one reminds me they are praying for me each time we interact. I am doing well enough neck-down to move my scans out to every 5 months instead of every 4 months. This means my next neck-down scans will be in March.

Treatment #77 was completed without any complications

I started a new book, “The Book of Lost Names” by Kristin Harmel. I highly recommend it. I hated to stop reading when my infusions were finished.

My husband and I had time to grab lunch at Blues City Deli, one of our favorite places in St Louis. Then we drove to the main campus for my brain MRI. We had a 90-minute wait for my appointment with my neurologist.

Don’t be fooled by the smiles – we were both terribly anxious at this point, waiting for the results. I treated myself to a cupcake to get the taste of contrast out of my mouth.

2023 was a difficult year for my family and 2024 hasn’t been any better with my mom in the hospital and the rest of us so sick with respiratory illnesses. I thought it was surely time for our luck to turn. Unfortunately it did not. My case will be presented to the tumor board next week so they can decide as a group how to proceed. This is the third brain MRI that has gone before the tumor board and the fifth time overall that my chart has been presented.

I received the devastating diagnosis of Stage IV Metastatic Breast Cancer exactly four and half years ago today. I spent 90 minutes yesterday in a new-to-me online support group for MBC. We shared how we all feel like our old selves died the day of diagnosis and we miss our old lives. We talked about toxic positivity and how much it hurts when it comes from people we love. We spent a lot of the time talking about how we each feel like so many people still depend on us for help and not many people are there to offer support. I asked for advice on setting boundaries and got some good ideas.

My daughter helped me shop for groceries today including driving me so I could rest. She took care of my dogs yesterday when I was gone. We also went to visit my mom, who is home from the hospital. My mom has the absolute best home health aide, who has stepped up her hours so that I can get some rest after treatment. My mom loves her to pieces, and I do, too!

As I write this, I have 2 snoring labradors with me in bed. I’m at home on the farm I love so much. I may not know what will come of the tumor board meeting next week, but with God’s help (along with some from Dave, Haley and Amy), I will get through this particular challenge.

Edited to add that this was actually treatment #77. Sometimes I’m too tired to keep it all straight.

2024 has been a blur. My entire family has been battling various respiratory illnesses including Covid for some of us and influenza for the rest. My mom was hit hard with Covid and ended up in the hospital, where she has been for many days. We hope she is discharged soon and can return home with her caregivers.

I am switching treatment days to Wednesdays and going to Siteman Cancer Center – South St Louis County. It is a nicer facility and dedicated only to cancer treatment so we are hoping to not have the long pharmacy wait times that we’ve been experiencing at the main campus. It is an additional 30 min drive one way, but we think it will be worth it. This Wednesday I will have treatment 77 in the morning and then head to the main campus for a brain MRI and to meet with my neurologist. I’ve been too sick and too worried about my mom to worry about the brain MRI. I’m sure that will kick in soon. I place all my trust in God, who gives me everything I need every single day.