The Beacon and the Wreckage
This resonates with me. It begins to describe how I feel, almost 7 years into MBC. I almost feel healthier, happier and more whole than I did before cancer, but that is not quite accurate. Those particular words are not exactly right. Healthier: This cannot be within a body with incurable stage 4 cancer, a…
Pride goeth before the fall
Yesterday started early but I was home in bed by 5 which was heavenly and slept better than I had in many days. I had a support group on zoom this morning. I decided to try walking at the gym and was able to go 20 min at a pace slower than usual. I felt…
116
I will let this photo tell you the results of today’s brain MRI. I so appreciate all the supportive messages today.
Eff
I’ve been purposefully busy in an attempt to distract myself from thinking about the upcoming scan. We saw the opera, “Little Women,” and the play, “Radium Girls,” in the last 2 weeks. Both were at the Krannert Center for Performing Arts on the University of Illinois campus. We planted 4 new trees on the farm…
Breast Density Awareness Walk – U of IL Quad
On July 24, 2019 I was diagnosed with Metastatic Breast Cancer, stage 4. Only 9 months after a “clean” mammogram, I felt a lump that ended up being a large tumor that had already spread to my liver, bones and adrenal gland. Since then it has spread to my brain. I learned after my diagnosis…
How Are You?
How are you? We ask and answer this on autopilot. FINE. What if FINE is a lie? Can telling the truth be a lifesaver? I wish. But I have not met many people who are equipped to handle truth. Most people crumple into a big wad of awkwardness when looking into the face of truth.…
Darn
The results of my echocardiogram were not what we wanted. I have been referred to a cardio oncologist. Treatment for metastatic breast cancer seems to be a balancing act to find the appropriate level of poison to kill the cancer but not quite kill the patient. At least we now have a better explanation of…
Here we go again
Dave, Madi and I left the farm at 4:30 this morning. Madi and I slept during most of the drive. It is rainy and stormy at home but sunny here in St Louis. Things are moving very slowly today at Siteman Cancer Center. My chemo appointment was at 8:30 but I didn’t get my bag…
Remarkable
My long medical day is over and we are driving home. They had cushion in the schedule and every stop was able to work me in when I arrived. Sweet! With a couple stops along the way we should arrive home around 9 pm. If you’ve followed this blog for a while you know the…
Gray
My paternal grandmother became a widow unexpectedly early in life. In her grief she painted every wall in her house gray. I remember her talking about that years later as advice to not make big decisions when all you see is gray in your world. Tomorrow we will leave around 6 am to make the…
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I am not in control. 