Six Stars Tattoo for Six Years Living with Metastatic Breast Cancer
On July 10, 2019 I found a lump in my right breast. Seventeen days later, July 24, 2019, I was told that I had breast cancer that had already spread to my bones, liver and adrenal gland. This came after 9 years of annual mammograms that were “not positive for cancer.” My most recent was 9 months before I found the lump. In 2020, the breast cancer spread to my brain.
I have received radiation for the tumor on my adrenal gland and one in my shoulder bone. I received five rounds of SRS (radiation) to my brain. I have infusion treatments every three weeks and will for the remainder of my life. I have had three rounds of gamma knife to brain tumors and recently had laser ablation of the newest brain tumor – my 12th one.
Since my diagnosis I have learned that I have extremely dense breast tissue that makes it much harder to see breast cancer on a mammogram AND is a significant risk factor for developing breast cancer. A person with dense breast tissue has a 60% higher risk for developing breast cancer than a person without dense breast tissue.. How I wish I had known this before my diagnosis. I had never heard of breast density and didn’t know I should have been receiving additional screenings each year in addition to my mammogram.
Did you know that there are scarce resources dedicated to researching Metastatic Breast Cancer?
I am raising money for METAvivor because 100% of their funds go to researching Metastatic Breast Cancer – the only breast cancer that kills. I need research to find new treatments to extend my life.
Time flies. Tomorrow (Tues, August 22) I will drive to St Louis for treatment #70 and to visit with my oncologist at Siteman Cancer Center. I am going on my own again because I really like being on the open road listening to music and singing at the top of my lungs. I am driving down and back the same day. So much has happened in my life in the past several months and I think that, just maybe, it is settling down. (I just knocked on my wooden desk, just in case.) I needed a break from social media and deleted the accounts under my name. It’s me. I was the problem.
I hit a point where I realized I was thinking too much about the clicks (think clicking the like button) and not on the relationships with the people in my community. I realized that hitting the “like” button or the “I care for you” emoji was not in any way being supportive or interacting with my community. Deleting my accounts forced me to send text messages and emails and actually make phone calls to people, and I was missing that. Now I have new accounts under the name Mbc Heidi but I am determined to make connections with people besides clicking buttons. I have so many email threads going with friends from college, friends from church and relatives and it helps me to be able to interact in words and not clicks. Thanks for your understanding and patience over the past few months.
This photo explains much of what I’ve been doing to heal my mind. I’m taking online art and writing classes. You can see that I’m still very much a beginner calligraphy but I love how I concentrate on it so much that it quiets my mind from daily worries. I’ve gotten back to journaling every day, a habit I began in high school. I am not good at speaking on the fly. I need time to sit with my thoughts – to let them percolate – to grow comfortable with them – to sift through them to remove the chaff. My planner is on my desk and I journal some in it every day. To the right of my planner is a journal I use for my writing classes and to expand my journaling on days that just won’t fit on one page. On top of my planner is some snail mail ready to go to the post office. I love sending and receiving mail. You can see some cards I received lately, too. I keep all of them in boxes and love to revisit them. At the back right on my desk is my Bible and a prayer study I have been working on for weeks. You will see two Bibles because sometimes I like to use my parallel study Bible when I’m not feeling connected to a particular version. I’m still focused on the same Bible verse: God has made me fruitful in the land of my affliction. (Genesis 41:52) When I first blogged about this verse, I was not feeling fruitful at all. Now I am able to choose hope and joy again and am so grateful for all the people in my life. My church newsletter is always out as a reminder. My church family has enveloped me with so much love and care this summer. In two weeks we will begin serving a free community dinner on Wednesday evenings and you will see me there some weeks washing dishes. (My 4-H House sisters know that I always choose Dish Crews rather than Cook crews!) Choir will start up again for the school year. Our book club is planning to meet again soon. Being part of my church fills my heart and gives me purpose.
I must add this photo to explain how I’ve been healing. When I am at my desk journaling or taking online classes or participating in my support groups, Independence and Madilyn are never far away. They love to sleep on or near me. I could not have made it through this year without them. I spend most of my time here at home without other humans around, but never without my two faithful labradors. My little car is full of black dog hair because I usually take them with me to run errands. No time spent with a dog is ever enough.
I will soon be sharing more information about Heidi’s Hope boxes since it is time to think about fall bulbs again. I had the privilege of speaking at the Hoopeston Area Breast Cancer Support Group last week about My Density Matters. A dear friend from my teaching days is a member of the group. I will definitely be joining this group regularly from now on. They are really amazing and supportive and so welcoming. Next month I will take the 2023 version of Heidi’s Hope Box to share with them.
I am not in control. 