Looks Can Be Deceiving

Writing is one of my therapies so when I haven’t blogged in a while, you know how I’m doing.

The past 3 months have been a blur of traumas. Family problems. Catastrophic flood. Pain. I’m doing what I need to do to put the pieces back together and help everyone through. I wish i had a “me” who would handle all my problems for me, too. I’m great at caregiving. I’m horrible at asking for and accepting help.

Every morning in the shower I pray. I pray for Andrea, Abigail, Amy, Kathleen, Helen, April, Silke and a host of other friends I’ve met in my MBC groups. It’s Breast Cancer month and I’m not handling the wave of pink well this year. I haven’t logged into my groups. I haven’t messaged anyone or sent snail mail. I haven’t posted about MBC. I just don’t have it in me now.

I’m more exhausted than I’ve ever been and it has nothing to do with MBC except for the physical pain. I’m working on that.

When I’m not helping others, I fake some happiness to some close friends and then retreat to my hole. I tell myself this will all get better. My mom’s house will get finished. My job will go away in a few weeks. I will finally have time to be me, have fun, spend time with my kids and my close friends, sit at my piano, start some sewing projects.

It’s Breast Cancer Month. October 13 is specifically MBC Day. Donate to organizations that research a cure for MBC like Metavivor. Be aware of all the pink things for sale and see where the donations go. Remember that 116 of us are dying every damn day of MBC. I’m not okay. But some day I will be.