We do not have an attached garage so I park close to the house when I bring groceries home, unload them, and then put the car in the garage. In my world, this means that when I go back out to put the car away, I take one of the dogs for a short drive around Elliott (pop. 300) with the windows partially rolled down. Doesn’t matter the weather or temps or time of day.
It’s a quiet day here on the farm except for the blustery winds outside. The chemo side effects continue to be especially bothersome. The Hand Foot Syndrome (HFS) was improving but now seems stalled. I was supposed to start back on Capecitabine today but my oncologist wants me to wait until the HFS symptoms are tolerable before I do. She assured me today (via My Chart message) that it will get better. I have to trust her; look where she has gotten me this far. I still cannot play the piano with my hands swollen and cracked and walking is a chore with my toes so red and swollen. I’ve been throwing everything I can at the HFS but it really comes down to time and patience.
In the past few months I have developed some other troubling side effects, a bit personal in nature. I found a medical professional about 30 minutes from home who promises she can take care of these things, too. It will take time and patience.
There are other troubles in my life that have nothing to do with cancer. They are out of my control, so I need to learn radical acceptance. That will take time and patience.
I sense a theme.
So today I am in my Llama Lounge (former office) listening to Christmas music. I do that on bad days. I think through music. I am calmed through music. I pray through music. I heal through music. And my 2 labs.
Labs and music, and time and patience. Bring it on.
I am not in control. 
I like the phrase radical Acceptance. I need to use this term in my life. We aren’t in control at all. God has a plan that we just aren’t aware of and sometimes don’t want to accept. Prayer and music sound like such a soothing way to feel the pain and make the moment count. One of my favorite CD’s to play when I was working in a classroom, alone, was Sister Act. I would sing at the top of my lungs. And all I do is make a joyful noise! But it made me feel better and peaceful! may you find a peace to help you work through the HFS. I am praying for you. Love you and so glad that we met at church! Peace to surround you at this very moment, friend.
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