103

Today was my 103rd infusion treatment.

On the days I have treatment without seeing my oncologist, I go to the Cancer Care Clinic at Barnes. It is a 24-hour clinic for cancer patients they created to help keep us out of the emergency room (and ultimately from in-patient stay). It is less hectic than the Siteman Cancer Center, the lovely new building a half block away. I heard a familiar voice today and saw Charis who was my oncologist’s nurse coordinator when I was diagnosed 6 years ago. I had not seen her in 5 years!

This means it was Charis who handed me the big binder given to new cancer patients to try to explain the things we need to know. This means it was Charis who spent time with me while I cried about the realities of chemo treatments that would never end, the brutal side effects and how to manage them, and how the scheduling would work. I learned of many services offered for patients that I could not receive living so far away. Dave and I learned when to call the office, when to call the 24-hour cancer nurse, and when Dave needed to get me to a critical-care hospital within 30 minutes of those symptoms first appearing. I live in a rural area 30 miles from the nearest ER suitable for cancer emergencies. It shouldn’t surprise you that my husband has mapped out a way to get me there in 30 minutes (should the need arise) and I have no doubt he would succeed. All these things remain true today, but after living with all this for almost 6 years, dealing with those potential emergencies seems a little less daunting. I used to talk to Charis on the phone a few times each week.

It is a hard week for me. Seeing Charis was a bright spot. She was quite surprised to see me. We all know why. Not today, Cancer. Not today.