This Tuesday I have a scan, see my oncologist and receive treatment 118. Add 7 hours in the car and it will be a long day. Hello, Scanxiety. The pressure has been building and, with it, my irritability. The state of our country makes me want to scream. I lose patience with people who seem to only complain in my presence. Someone special to me shocked me with a racist comment. I don’t always make it to the bathroom on time.
And yet
This weekend a dear friend brought flats of flowers and potting soil to bring life to my oasis again. We sat and visited over iced tea. I am blessed by her friendship. One of my children came to visit and we took Madi for a walk and laughed over her antics. I am blessed by love and laughter. I had breakfast with my cousins on Saturday. I am blessed by family who are also friends.
Since July 2019, cancer has been in the car with me. Sometimes it is driving and life is chaotic. Sometimes it is staring at me from the passenger seat while I drive, always making its presence known. Sometimes it sits quietly in the back seat, only occasionally tapping me on the shoulder to distract me from driving.
Cancer will never leave the car and it is impossible and unhealthy to ignore it, but I can do things that help move it farther back in the car.
I am not in control. 