What a Day

My train was delayed so I sat in the hotel lobby and read for several hours. Then my digestive system decided it needed to be utterly empty. All of it. Empty. It wasn’t pretty. I only packed for one night. I threw away several articles of clothing in the lobby bathroom. I only brought the shoes I was wearing. I don’t recall feeling this embarrassed and out of control and ugly.

I am on the train and hoping no one opts to sit with me because they will not appreciate being close to me. Dave will meet me at the train station with clothes and shoes.

The absolutely only saving grace of this afternoon was my radiation oncologist calling me to say my brain MRI shows I am stable and they are going to move my scans to every 4 months now since it has been 32 months since I had a new brain tumor.

I don’t feel good sharing some of these days with all of you, but someone needs to advocate for those of us living with metastatic breast cancer. I am alive, but definitely at a cost to my finances, my dignity, and my mental health.

I had a bit of my mom’s handwriting inked a few weeks ago along with the number of days I had my mom with me. I feel so alone today in my struggles, but I know she is with me always. I am so looking forward to seeing Dave, getting cleaned up, and getting home to Madi and Milli. Metastatic breast cancer is devastating, even when scans are stable.