A friend asked me today how I was feeling. I paused and then broke out in laughter. I wouldn’t know how I’m feeling because there has been no time to focus on me or my feelings or my emotional state. The last few days have been a whirlwind of caring for my mom and figuring out how to move forward with some help for her. I’ve mentioned that I’m not good at asking for help. My life has been out of balance in the giving and receiving of help. I’ve been a caregiver most of my life. Thank goodness for my friends who have stepped up with food and messages of encouragement and a ramp for a handicapped dog (yep – my life is insane). Thank goodness for my daughter who spent time with her Gran so I could rest and also watched a couple Hallmark movies with me last night so we could laugh. Thank goodness for my sons who show up when I need them and give the very best hugs in the world. Thank goodness for Dave who, like always, manages everything at home when I need to spend time caregiving away from home. Thank goodness for my two dogs who welcome me like the prodigal son when I am able to come home for a time.
Just because life events have forced me to act as though I didn’t have a chemo treatment and 2 brain tumors discovered last week doesn’t mean I’m not feeling it. Those people close to me who see through the steel armor and see my pain and fear are my angels. Thank you for helping me carry it.
I am not in control. 