Cancer is not Everything

I am typically an open book on my cancer journey for several reasons. First is that I am a lifelong journaler so writing is a passion. Second is that it stopped my family from having to constantly answer questions about how I’m doing. It evolved into the third reason and that is to educate people about breast density and why it matters to stop the insanity of people being diagnosed with late state breast cancer because mammograms don’t find cancer in dense breast tissue. Finally, I am learning the hard way how to help people struggling with illness. By telling you how I react to different things I hope to help you learn how to truly be a light for those with cancer.

I strive to protect the privacy of others. It is sometimes quite difficult to tell you about me without talking about the people in my life. You might know my father struggled with mental illness for several decades and required much caregiving for the last decade. The specific memories my mom and I share of those last years are too personal and painful to divulge. Likewise, others I love dearly have their own issues and they are not mine to share. My therapist tells me I was born and raised as a caregiver and that is what makes me tick. I hope so, because there are many people I love who need me and I need them.

I’m on my very first solo trip to Barnes. Someone I love is in a hospital so Dave remained home for them. I drove here on Sunday, right after church. I watched the Rihanna concert in a hotel room with a salad and fruit and hummus for the party food. I am an emotional eater and the last week has been especially hard but I persist in trying to care for this body that is fighting for her life.

On Monday I had a bone scan and a chest/ab/pelvic CT scan. These are the neck down scans I have regularly. It was a day of hurry and wait. I’m used to walking out of the scan area and finding Dave’s smile in the waiting area. Today I found several sunny areas to sit and read in between things. I couldn’t have anything to eat or drink until after my CT scan. Due to long waits, it was noon before I could hit the cafeteria. I took an Uber back to the hotel in the afternoon and had another quiet evening reading, journaling and napping. I also Facetimed Madi which made my day.

On Tuesday I will see my oncologist to get my scan results and have my 61st chemo treatment. Then I will drive home solo, with the radio turned up.