Scanxiety is a bitch. I am generally calm, cool and collected – right up to the day before cancer scans. Then my alter ego appears and she is a hot mess. Dave and I are on the way to Barnes. I will have a brain MRI this morning (perhaps my 12th but I start to lose count). It’s been 20 months since I had brain tumors and I would like to keep that trend going. This afternoon I will have treatment.
I live my life in 3 week cycles first (treatments) followed by 3 month cycles (brain scans) followed by 4 month cycles (body scans). Time flies when you are focused on living every day.
I am so grateful for my close network who have met my alter ego, usually very very late at night. Dave quietly nudges her to try to sleep and reminds her we’ve handled everything together. Malinda and Kathy shower her with Marco Polo messages and texts. My brother reminds her that she is an FW (if you know, you know). Thankfully my alter ego will crawl back into her hole in a few hours and wait.
I am not in control. 