Day 2 after chemo #65 has been a mixed bag. I was able to work with my trainer and had an appointment with my primary care doctor to get a shot in my lower spine for pain. I had a long soak in the tub with epsom salts. Things were looking up. But then I realized I was stuck in the tub and had to ask my husband to help lift me out. That process erased all the pain relief from the epsom salts. Pride goes before a fall. My limitations are real and I cannot pretend they aren’t there. And yet…

All my kids were home for a visit at some point today. The shot is really helping my lower back and my other prescription meds are relieving the pain from my afternoon adventure in the tub. Right after Dave helped me to bed, an MBC sister shared a You Tube video of a song that really helped – solely by coincidence. It is a gorgeous day on The Oasis and my dogs and cats love me even when I am angry at and humiliated by cancer. So I’m sitting here counting my blessings and thinking of a song from my childhood.

“Happiness is morning and evening. Daytime and nighttime, too. For happiness is anyone and anything at all that’s loved by you. “

One week ago I was in Cancun. Today I am in St Louis at Siteman receiving my 65th treatment. For today that means Herceptin, Perjeta, and Zometa. I’m loving spring weather and more sunshine in my days.

The best part of treatment day is spending time with Dave. I’m still feeling rested from my vacation and that helps me handle cancer and treatment side effects much better. I also spent an hour last night on a zoom gathering with several MBC friends. I look forward to these meetings and these ladies fill me with love and hope.

Heidi’s Hope Boxes were introduced in the fall of 2022. They were sold by Power Planter, a company owned by Greg Niewold, a dear friend of mine. Each Heidi’s Hope Box contained a pink Power Planter auger, 10 pink tulips bulbs from Abbott-Ipco, “Probably Benign,” a book by Leslie Ferris Yerger about the story of her Metastatic Breast Cancer diagnosis, and important information from My Density Matters explaining how breast density affects the effectiveness of mammograms and explaining how and why you should know your breast density. Proceeds from each box went directly to My Density Matters.

We had planned to have dozens of tulips in this area among several new trees. We postponed the tree planting to 2023. We lost many of the tulips to squirrels who dug up the bulbs and left many tiny holes in the ground. We also lost many tulips due to the two large trees in this area.

These 2 black walnut trees are nearly 150 years old. Black walnut tree roots produce juglone, a toxic substance released when the roots of other juglone-sensitive species come in contact with walnut roots. This fall, I will choose a plot farther away from these trees for the Heidi’s Hope tulips!

HOPE is a word I choose to emphasize in life. When I was first diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer in July 2019 it had already spread to my bones, liver and adrenal gland. Since then it has also spread to my brain. Dave and I used a Power Planter auger that fall to plant dozens of fall bulbs because I had HOPE that I would be around in the spring of 2020 to see them bloom. Now we plant more bulbs on our farm each fall to renew that HOPE.

I want to see your Heidi’s Hope tulips! Please post them on social media and tag me, Power Planter, and My Density Matters. Let’s spread some hope around in a world that needs it.

The Tumor Board pulled out all my previous gamma knife treatment MRIs and maps and determined that the growth they see is actually necrosis, or, death, of tumor tissue. Barring symptoms they will see me in 3 months.

The results of my brain MRI are not what we wanted. My case is going in front of the Washington University Tumor Board next week to determine the next action. I am confidant I can get through this. Dave and the girls have been taking care of me.

Today I have a brain MRI and my 63rd treatment. I picked Dave up from work and we are headed southwest to St Louis. We will get back to Champaign in time for me to drop him off at work and I will head home to the farm and my girls. Dave and I enjoy these days together and we are a perfect team.

I took advantage of scanxiety-induced insomnia to make cherry hand pies last night. I love making pastries and Dave enjoys devouring them.

Beginning next fall, all mammogram reports in the U.S. will be required to report breast density. This is only one step toward preventing people from being diagnosed with late stage breast cancer despite getting annual mammograms. The last mammogram report I received before being diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer told me I had extremely dense breast tissue. It did NOT tell me what that meant – that I needed an ultrasound or breast MRI to truly see if there was a tumor in my breasts.

The next step is requiring additional testing for all women with dense breast tissue. I have no training in the medical field. Despite that, I spend too many hours berating myself for not asking more questions. That’s why I support My Density Matters, founded by a friend here in my own home state. We are desperate to educate the public that people with dense breast tissue need testing in addition to a mammogram. I wouldn’t have a terminal disease if that regulation had been in place. Today, somewhere in this country, some person is receiving the shock of their life; It’s breast cancer and it has already spread to other organs despite your “clean”mammogram report. This is insanity and it must be stopped.

Cancer is hard. It is harder than I ever expected. I am not comfortable with vulnerability. The cold, hard truth of cancer has exhausted me. I have experienced many medical events since the diagnosis of metastatic breast cancer in July 2019.

✔️ 62 chemo treatments

✔️ 4 gamma knife treatments for brain tumors

✔️ 5 radiation treatments for a tumor covering my right adrenal gland

✔️ 1 radiation treatment to a tumor in my shoulder bone

✔️ 2 thoracentesis procedures (draining fluid from my lung)

✔️ 1 breast MRI

✔️ 2 complete spine MRI

✔️ 8 heart MRI

✔️ 5 echocardiogram

✔️ 8 brain MRI

✔️ 9 bone scans

✔️ 14 chest/ab/pelvic CT scans

Fighting cancer is a full time job. This gal is tired and is going to learn to say “no” a lot more.